Reality. What does it mean to me? For as long as I can remember, I have always wished for something beyond the ordinary to happen to me, just like the characters in fantasy books. Coming into a power greater than any mortal can comprehend. It was this wish of something more that I continued down that treacherous path of being absorbed in fiction. A longing for something more; something monumental; something that could shake the world.
But now that I've come into a realization of this reality; the imminence of Christ's return. Now, oh now do I realize the damage caused by indulging freely in fiction. When the actual window of opportunity to grasp something more, something that transcends the bounds of anything the human mind can comprehend, my mind is brought back to the decadence of fiction. It keeps me losing sight of the reality! Oh God, hear my cry! Free me from these chains of death that encompass me; these things of immorality that I let myself indulge with. If only I had people to surround me and support me in this realization! But none of my peers show any inclination to wish to come out of this great delusion. They don't realize the importance of being clean vessels for Christ! I have been told that I should live out my teen life. But there's no understanding there!
Oh Lord, help me! Where shall I stand? How can I stand? What power is to be afforded, that I may carve these things out of my being? These instruments of sin, the power of Satan, the Accuser! Prepare the way for the Lord, cleanse your hands and purify your hearts!Why am I the only one who sees these things? Is all interest in the things of God gone from my friends? God is now being viewed by them as their Friend and Saviour. But this bleeding wound in my heart.....why don't they see Him as Lord? Why don't they see Him as King? All glory should be given to Him. All He has done for them, why can't they see? These things have been done by the Creator! No king, queen, emperor or president should be given more attention than this Searcher of Hearts. Why this apathy? They don't comprehend His majesty, but I am afraid to tell them; afraid that they will look at me with disdain; afraid that our friendship will break. So what am I to do? Not even my family understands the fear of the Lord. I feel isolated..... None of my peers seem to understand God wants them to do something. They give Him praise, yet they praise Him not in the sight of the heavenly agencies. They say that He is their Saviour, but they have not experienced true redemption.
To any of my friends reading this, I know this will sound terribly insulting. But if they only knew the pain in my heart! They refuse to try, to clothe themselves with Christ, the true Witness, whose Righteousness is the only acceptable righteousness. So far, the only one of my peers I see having anything remotely close to the faith of Jesus is Angeline. This warrior of God; her prayers a sweet incense that ascends to the Almighty! But all the others .... what can I say? I know those insulted will say, "Who are you to judge?! Do you profess to be more righteous than us?! Do you profess to know more about God than us?!" YES, I DO! But not because I myself am righteous, and not because I did anything more than God expects of those who claim to follow Him. In fact, it breaks my heart that I have done less than what He expects of me. But thank God, through Christ I can claim victory! Through Christ, and through Christ only am I righteous. Only because I have no faith in my capability of being righteous; but by having faith that Christ's Righteousness is mine to assimilate in my life, I can declare that I am righteous. My knowledge and understanding of God is not a result of scholarly study. Rather, it is through having an open mind and open heart to His guidance and admonishments, that I came to a better understanding by His Word.
For this is a prevailing deception. That God never puts us down. That is a lie, a doctrine of devils! Why? Because it speaks only half of the truth, mixed with error. It is true, God never demoralizes. But he always admonishes those that choose to reciprocate the Love that "I AM" (Jesus) is. To those that choose the Righteousness of Christ, God will admonish them when they stray from the path of righteousness. He admonished David for committing adultery. He admonished Moses for his impatience and temper. He admonished the Twelve Apostles for their lack of faith in the midst of the storm. He admonished Peter for his confidence in his loyalty to Him.
Oh, if only I could give voice to the things God has revealed to me. But every time I try, my mind fails me. I can't explain it other than this: STOP THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS! Nothing I do will ever satisfy the Almighty's requirements that fits true righteousness. My righteousness is worse than filthy rags in God's sight; it is a putrid stench that cannot be tolerated. Only Christ, my Righteousness can qualify as true righteousness. To abide in Him, and Him in me..... then, and only then can true righteousness be revealed.
